We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
