wanna go halves on a baby?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
