you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
