do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
