After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
