So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
