Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
