At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize