Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
