Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
