Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize