but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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