I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
