I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
