she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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