her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
