Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
