They should really pass out barf bags in church
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize