Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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