the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
