I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
is wine microwaveable?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
