Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize