I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
