I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can I color on your dick again?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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