He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
