Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
