forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
