She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
