My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
