people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
