this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
