Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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