I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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