she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
