hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
