Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
