put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
