When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
