I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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