you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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