I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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