Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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