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• (727): View more from Florida

  wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

  (727): View more from Florida

  ooooooooooooo i'm drink

  Fav 25 4808 964

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.

  Fav 43 6612 1346

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• (914): View more from New York

  Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.

  Fav 7 1447 3373

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• (408): View more from California

  I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.

  Fav 20 3699 2016

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional

  Fav 11 4940 1645

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.

  Fav 15 2604 1453

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!

  Fav 23 3175 1153

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro

  Fav 24 4669 1053

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.

  Fav 2 230 376

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.

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• (559): View more from California

  Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.

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