i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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