Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
