Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
