As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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