Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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