here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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