DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
