somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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