I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
