i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
