yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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