guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
