I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
