I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
