I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize