Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
