they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
