I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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