eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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