look no pants
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
