my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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