Banned from zoo.
Again?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
