Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My breath smells like gin and sadness
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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