i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
