He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
