mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
