I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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