wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
