Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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