So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
