I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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