so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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