grandma shit on top of the toilet
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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