I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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