I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
