dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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