she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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