I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
