She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
