the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
