could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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