It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
