thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
