So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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