You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
