u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
