girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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