you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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