His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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