i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
