Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
