did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
