Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
