You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
