I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
