Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
