Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
