I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize