it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
