I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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