Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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