im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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