I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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