Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
