your room smells of hookers.
And success
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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