They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
